I am trying very hard to understand why people....

[MyParentsHouse]

feel the need to belittle someone elses trauma. We all know that there are many other more dire circumstances in the world. That is a given....but you don't tell a person who has lost a child you can have more or there are more children in the world who lost their lives to more horrific circumstances. Why would people use this as an example? For those people affected by the fire it is a healing process. They are saying it is like losing something....while being in the midst of rebuilding and going thru item per item of the STUFF you left behind you also lost for alot of people their SAFE PLACE, their homes. For alot of people they are having a hard time getting their homes rebuilt or even getting questions answered so for them it is first and foremost still in their minds. Are we such so hardened to life now and so busy we can't have a little compassion to those going thru a rough time still? People who didn't lose their homes have moved on but many still linger in the what if's and the survivors guilt for those in neighborhoods that were decimated by the fire. Everybody seems to think that now that the fire is not a threat we have to forget about it....well for many they can't as they are still in the middle of dealing and coping. They are glad they got out with their lives, they are glad they will have new homes, they are glad they have a roof over their heads....yes...that is all a given...but allow them the time to rebuild and move on before you start telling them to GET OVER IT. Until every one of the people who lost their homes, who's homes were damaged by the fire and who's lives were turned upside down are back WHERE they want to be there will not be closure. I personally don't care if they were rich, poor or otherwise it is still something that can't be swept under the rug just because people are sick of hear it from the RICH FOLK....Just remember that people cope in different ways...not everyone is like you and we have to allow them to cope in their ways...some people talk, some people hold it in...some people can't deal with it at all like one woman we know and she just up and left..... So next time you think that you are tired of hearing about the fire...think about those who are still trying to cope with it because they did lose theirs and think about where they are in the process of rebuilding....the stories you hear on the news are good news stories sensationalizing the GOOD because that is what people want to hear....don't forget about those left in the dust who haven't even been able to do contents or don't know when their homes are going to be rebuilt because they can't get a builder/s to call them back as they are too busy and are booked up until next year this time. Did you know that you need 3 quotes from builders to rebuild your home? Well when you can't even get one to call you back and you have called over 10 companies to quote and they say we are too busy...well what ever happened to being able to get back into their homes within the year......Doubt highly that is going to happen..... So when you think it is over...think twice....for many it is just beginning. The new stuff, the new home as you all seem to think is going to be bigger and better is still on hold until they can get a place to put it. Live your life on hold at the mercy of others and see how well you cope. Just had to share this because people think that it is mellow drama....it is not.. it is real life here and now. We need compassion for everyone even if they had money(which I might add they all didn't) Money may be able to speak louder when it comes to rebuilding and in the inconvieniences of not having something and being able to get it.....but for many who worked hard and don't have that available to them they live without just like you and I. They all started somewhere...some just got a little further than others...

[pissant]

...ummmmm, was that post for me?

if you aren't looking for sympathy---why is your on-line name "my parents house"?


if they cant get builders to build them a home...why not move a trailer up on the lot. Better than nothing. Or is a trailer not secure enough while the wait for the builders?
You said in a prior post...about the Bryan Adams concert...."is this going to far?"....and i say hell yes.
Impossible to squeeze the tears out of me. And well, losing your belongings is far from losing a child. You ever think about writing Hallmark cards?

I dont dig sentimentality,patronizing people (like giving them Turkeys --if you dont want credit-be anonymous) or the martyr syndrome or victims catering to victims so it carries on & on & on.

But then, they dont call me Hard Ass for nothing.

.
Maybe Celine Dion will come play if I cry hard enough..
Im not insensitive to suffering. I just think on a different level then you.

[pissant]

I think I'm being a hypocrit and carrying it on to far myself. Next topic?

[MyParentsHouse]

shorten it to this...my name came from when the fires were very active and this board came alive...my parents were here and I was concerned about their home and that is all I could think of under stress....so that is where the name came from..not like I just signed up yesterday for sympathy or anything. As for the lost child reference you totally missed my drift...like as in a lost child the grieving process is similar....it takes time to deal with them cope, them move on....It wasn't a reference to the lost homes or items directly.....but explaining what was explained to us as per what they motions would be with coping with the whole issue of losing their home. As for Hallmark...I would rather do something for someone than give them a useless piece of paper...what I say to them is real....so no...no career in Hallmark for me.

As for the trailer issue...already been discussed and nixed by the city. They have red flagged mom and dad's lot as one of the worst possible errosion problems up there and they need the Geotechnical surveyer up there to study it plan a course of action then submit his report to the city before they will allow ANY action up there....that includes cutting down trees. The hill up above their house is very steep along the whole length of their lot so there is no place to put the trailer safely right now they were told. So hence no luck there....the Geotech actually called her after many phone calls for the last 2 months since she employed him and it wasn't for her lot. It was for the lot they sold before they sold this place....to ask questions. So she laid it on the line saying they can't do a THING until he does the survey and he admitted to her he was doing the easy one's first as it was going to take days to do their place and he was hoping to wait until spring.....well mom let him know that she was not happy and he said he would call her in the next week to let her know what was happening. So the red tape garbage. They would love to live back up there.... As for the Bryan Adams concert I think it was a cool idea...but where is the money going??There has been no monies distributed to the people other than the announced checque is in the mail last week. I think they should have donated the tickets to the kids of the people affected by the fire....there are some having a hard time of it and it would have at least taken their minds off of it all for the evening...oh and they only pulled names of 100 people who were actually interested in them at the fire recovery center. I don't believe in carrying things on further than what it should be either but for most people outside of the world of recovery they don't hear anything about it...they hear about a few homes that were going up immediately following(love to know who their builder is) and the feel good news...they are not telling the average public about those stuggling to get back on track, for those still rehashing all their belongings and those trying to rebuild like mom and dad and banging their heads up against brick walls. Don't feel sorry for them...help them...ask about those who slip thru the cracks...how many people are in mom and dad's shoes who can't get help because they don't know what to ask, or don't know who to ask. The insurance companies pass the buck to someone else then it isn't the other people's job so they send them back. Just frustration is what is happening now.....

As for looking for martyrdom well we do things such as leave gifts on front door steps for those who can't afford gifts for christmas and make sure they have a nice meal on that day. Many of our circle can't afford to do it alone so many of us get together and take what we can afford and do something special for one family a year...we leave it on their doorstep anonymously each year and it is wonderful to hear how much they enjoyed it, to see the pics of their kids open gifts when they knew there wasn't going to be much....and it is all anonymously...but we don't do this only at Christmas...we are people who give all year round...not for prestige, not for praise but simply because we can. I saw a single mom cry as we loaded $250 worth of groceries in her car that my parents donated to her for Christmas to her and her two daughters...she had to know as she had to take it home.....but the relief that we saw in her eyes that year was one that will be with me forever....knowing that she had the food to feed her kids as she didn't qualify for any help as she was working but the working poor. I told her it wasn't me...and she knew it wasn't as I was having a tough time making ends meet myself that year.... she never knew who did it....so by these couple of examples I am trying to tell you we are not victims...nor do we ever want to...but just trying to let you know it isn't as easy as just letting it go for those who are in the midst of this or those helping them like me...I can go days without thinking about it as long as i am not with mom...and there are no tears, no feel sorry for me's...just a simple drive to move back home and move on with life...but we are stuck right now but continuing to move forward even if it is slowly. Being a hard ass is good...in many situations but I feel not in this one. There is no simple solution to this one right at this moment...but just keep moving forward...

Now on that note I believe such as you have said this has been rehashed a million times and I personally am sick of it too.....Don't cater to people...help them help themselves....But helping also means listening to them when they need to talk...and it is not feeling sorry for themselves but many times hearing themself say it out loud to someone else sets it in stone and helps them move on. Call me sentimental, call me a sap...but that is who I am...not a hard ass. Just a different way of dealing. Oh yes...and being a victim of the fire 30 years from now??? Isn't that exaggerating a tad? If they are still playing victim...then tell them to get over it...tee hee.

[Laurel]

thanks My parentshouse. It's people like you and your circle of friends that make this a good place to live. I have done the same and the feeling is great. Unfortunately this year won't be like that because of the fire,but we help when we can. More people should think about it

[MyParentsHouse]

crazy for us here too...but we still plan on doing something even if it is home made gifts this year...food for the freezer. I lost my daycare kids due to the fire(their mom couldn't get insurance on the house she was waiting to rent(person was buying it and then renting it and the deal fell thru)) so things have been really lean here too. With extra mouths to feed we felt the pinch in the fall. So we are making gifts and food for gifts this year....people appreciate not having to make goodies for xmas day. PS...my sister's name is Laurel...